Monday, November 2, 2009

Hospital Gowns...One Size Fits All?

One of my pet peeves when I go to the hospital is those darned hospital gowns. You know the pretty bluish green gowns that look like they've been through the wash a million times with 4 little strings in the back that are supposed to cover all your real estate!

I was wondering what would happen this time when I went to the hospital for my knee replacement surgery. On my last visit the hospital gown was sort of a big ordeal. You know when you are a 300lb. guy one size does not fit all! The last time I was in the hospital and they needed to suit me up in standard hospital apparel I was handed a gown told to strip down and put on the gown and those cute little footie things and wait for the nurse. First of all when you are a big guy it's hard to reach all the way around to get the tie at your neck and back tied. Just because your big does not mean you have longer arms! So as I sit and waited for the nurse with the backyard exposed. I thought they have to have something bigger. When the nurse arrived I told her of my embarrassing predicament. She said honey let me get you another one and you can put it on backwards like a housecoat to cover your rear. Hmm, sounded like a great idea 2 gowns to cover this big body. As she attempted to help me put on my newly created backyard gown I realized that it being small also was a problem. My shoulders being wide would make the gown now tight going over my arms. Thus, freezing my arms in a position straight out in front of me and being unable to move. But, none the less, everything was modestly covered. The nurse also noticed my arm and shoulder discomfort and said, "Honey I think we had a big one in here last week and I'm gonna look for that big gown!" Finally, an understanding nurse. I waited again, and she returned and told me to take off the 2 gowns and put this big one on it should work fine. Now, I had a gown I could fit in the arms were big the material was wide and the strings were long. This gown was so big it wrapped totally around me from front to back and back around to the front where I could comfortable tie the strings in front of me. Now that's roomy! The arms were so big I had to keep them down because if I lifted my arms I think you could see my private parts!

With all the latest medical technology I thought surely things will have changed on this hospital visit. So after check in a nurse came and got me took me to a little hospital waiting room with a TV and proceeded to hand me 2 little blue footies and what appeared to be a blue folded up paper napkin. She said take off all your clothes and put in this bag to give to your wife and put these on. I looked at the napkin and said, "is this my gown?" She nodded and I said, "will it fit me?" She turned and said, "Yes, one size fits all! I'll be back!" As I unfolded the napkin it did get larger and larger. I was amazed that they finally came up with a paper gown that would fit everyone! I put on my bear paw blue footies and hopped into the hospital bed. After they took all my vital signs they told me they would be in to get me around 7:30am to head to surgery.

As I lay there watching TV talking with my wife and sister Norma and Shirley, I was getting warmer and warmer in my paper gown. A nurse came and asked how I was doing and I told her I was really warm. She lifted my covers and looked at the front of my gown and said they forgot to hook you up I will get you cooled down. She reached behind the head of my hospital bed and pulled out this long one inch hose and started attaching it to my gown in front. She said these were new hospital gowns that kept the patients body temperature the same during the surgery so you would be comfortable. Suddenly, I felt a rush of cool air coming into the southern most region of the front of my gown. The nurse said, "Do you feel it?". "Uh, yes it's kind of cold air", I said. She said one the air fills your gown you will be comfortable all over. I couldn't believe it after the initial cold shock it felt really comfortable. Next, was a shot and off I went on the gurney to surgery. When they pushed me into the sterile cold white room the nurse I guess thought it was necessary to introduce me to everyone who would be there for the surgery. Good thing I didn't have to remember names because I was out before I got through all the introductions. Look for my next blog when I talk about the knee surgery recovery.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, the gown with the air hose was quite interesting! These new-fangled medical techniques! Geez!
    It still has the open door in the back though! :)

    Glenda

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